I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
