she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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