I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
