stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
