bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
