just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
