I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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