I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
