All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize