Cold hands, warm shart.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
