Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
