alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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