Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
