All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
