I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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