Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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