your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize