I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Four minutes until I can fart!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
