You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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