I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
