What did we do last night that was yellow?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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