I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
