Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
