My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
