Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
