he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
