About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
