Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
