Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
