Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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