Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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