I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
