maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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