Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
