Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
