i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
