yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
