all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
