I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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