He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
