Im at strip club and am horny
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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