FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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