Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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