dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
