whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
