4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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