Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
