He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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