I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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