Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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