You can't special order awesome
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize