I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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