Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
