The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
