Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
