yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
