She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
