i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
