is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
