So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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