Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
