if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize