i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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