from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
