Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
